Lost Girl

Do you ever feel like you missed your train? Like someone told you a story, but you missed half of it? You're left standing there on an empty platform, looking confused. Is ignorance truly bliss? Is there comfort in those that are unknowingly lost? Or is it better to know you are lost? I think about the times I have felt love. True love. The kind of love you know comes without strings or without contingencies. A love that braces for every impact and strong enough to outlast any battle. A love that has no boundaries, no limits, no depths to deep for it to swim. Yet here I am, having love like that and not feeling deserving. Not embracing it. Maybe it's because I have taken it for granted. Not realizing the love I have found to be pure and fool proof. I haven't appreciated it. I often joke about wanting immortality so I can live forever. But if I did, admiring late night talks, valuing shared meals or things as simple as good morning kisses would become worthless. The time li...

 I've made it 4 whole days so far. Although I am feeling hopeful, there is still a level of uncertainty that lingers over my head. Did I make the right decision? How can I be so sure? Will there be an "a ha" moment? Will it come sneakily in the night when I'm in a deep sleep. Or will it hit me like a car crash? Losing control of my life was and remains my biggest fear. I may not be "losing" control, but rather letting go of control. Having this grip was the only thing I could keep consistent in my life. I could manage outcomes of situations. I could prepare myself mentally for disaster. There's this constant state of fear. Most would never know. Never know how afraid I am at failing. How can we measure success? It is different for everyone.  Money. Money was and still is my determination of ones success. How well off am I? How secure am I financially? Could I survive an economic collapse? Could I make it on my own? Right now, that answer is no. More like...